I have been with my boyfriend for four months now. I trust him completely and he trusts me. But there is one thing that he has told me that has bugged me ever since. He told me that he can’t wear a condom because it makes him go soft. I know it must seem like a line, but I believe him. I’ve just never heard of this before. He told me about this the first time we were about to have sex. Then he told me that if I didn’t believe him then we didn’t have to go through with it. We use other protection when we have sex, but I’m just curious.
Although some men do use this as a “line,” I do think that your boyfriend is quite possibly telling you the truth. Many men do find it difficult to maintain an erection when using condoms. Sometimes this is because of anxiety, other times it is due to loss of sensation. However, most men can also overcome this problem. I do have a couple suggestions that you can try though:
1) Help him put the condom on. Many men find themselves getting anxious about putting the condom on correctly and lose their erection at that point. So, tell him that you will take care of it. Stimulate him any way that he likes and then, in the process, slip the condom (which you have opened and ready) on. If you want to get really advanced, you can even try putting it on using your mouth — just be careful with your teeth!
2) Put a dab of lubricant in the inside tip of the condom before putting it on him. This can enhance sensation tremendously for the man. Just be careful to avoid getting any on the upper rim or the condom might slip off during sex.
3) Surprise him with a box of novelty condoms. There are many types of condoms that are downright amusing. Glow-in-the-dark, flavored, shaped… treat them as a sex toy! Although some of these are not designed for safer sex, it can help overcome his anxiety.
4) Purchase a cock ring. These bands go around the base of the penis to increase hardness and help maintain an erection. An extra benefit is that they can help keep a condom on if the man becomes partially flaccid.
Most of all, continue doing what you have been doing — being supportive and talking to him. Assure him that you understand but that you also want to help him overcome this problem. Remember, condoms can be fun and they do a great job with protecting us against sexually transmitted infections when they are used consistently. Good luck to both of you.
Dr. Sandor Gardos
MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.