Loud and Proud

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It was one of those mornings.

You’ve had them. The ones on which your neighbors give you that mischevous smile – or avoid eye contact – because they heard you having mind-blowing sex the night before and think you’ll be getting Grammy for best vocals this year.

Most people, self included have some self-awareness about what they say or how loud they are in bed (remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry couldn’t keep up with the dirty talker?). I sometimes consider it – but not for long. I can’t help that my sweetie and I have better chemistry than cake and ice cream and besides, if you can’t be uninhibited during sex, when, exactly is a good time? And how are you really supposed to adopt a lady like tone when your tush is higher than your head?

There may be no book of etiquette about how loud is too loud, but Dr. Roy J. Levin has a bead, at least, on why we vocalize during sex. The four reasons he says we raise the roof are (from the UK Guardian):

* Conveying  information – “Harder,” “Right there,” “Ow.” Self explanatory.

* Increasing arousal – Men find sound the third most arousing sense (for women it’s next to last), hence ‘increasing arousal’.

* Enhancing pleasure” or “Hedonic amplification” which may be caused not by the noise but the rapid breathing during vocalizations, which could make you light-headed.

As far as “enhancing pleasure” I once took a workshop with author/sex educator Sheri Winston in which she emphasized breathing and vocalizing.

“As you’re climaxing, keep your sounds going and your orgasm will keep on going, too!” Sheri says on her website and I’ll vouch for her being 100% right. I tried her techniques during solo sex (during which I’m much more quiet) and was thrilled with how much vocalizing magnified the orgasmic experience: it was the difference between a cupcake and a whole cake.

* Finally, fascilitating central arousal systems is Levins’ last reason and it’s a mouthful for synchronicity: your vocalizations signal other systems in your body to work together for an optimal experience.

All this said you don’t want to end up like Caroline Cartwright in the UK who was arrested for being too loud during sex, so much so that her neighbors called the cops. Personally I think that being 48, married to the same man for 24 years and still having sex worth screaming about should qualify Catherine for a book deal, not an arrest. How jealous were those neighbors, anyway?

It can be fun to try to be hush-hush, sometimes, too. If you’re a houseguest, or if you’re grabbing a quickie and don’t want others to hear, the danger of getting caught could make silence exciting.

Otherwise, be proud to be loud. Is it so bad that people know you’re having fun? And who knows? One of those mornings instead of snickering, your neighbor might ask you for a few tips.

Image by Kelly Hau Photography

7 comments

  1. I live very close to my aunt….my bedroom and her guest room are only about 16 feet apart. One hot summer night when her son was staying with her a few days My lover and I were having a hot steamy session and we did not realize the window was open! I didn’t think anything of it till my cousin’s wife told me that her hubby had called her and held the phone to the open window in my aunt’s house and said…get a load of this! They could hear EVERY word and detail of what we were doing…not to mention the loud orgasmic screaming….OH RED FACED ME!

    But hey!!! I had fun!

  2. I love when my tantric crone goddess is loud when she enters the liminal time of prolonged expanded orgasms that become continuous the louder, the wetter, the more amrita that she squirts.

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