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Posts Tagged ‘Dr. Gardos’

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Question

After having three children, I don’t feel that my vagina is as tight as it used to be and worry if I am still pleasing my husband. I have seen ads for  vaginal tightening creams  but wonder what they contain and what they actually do. Do they really do anything?

Answer

While the vagina can loose some elasticity from aging and the loss of hormones, and even become somewhat stretched from childbirth, it is probably not as bad as you think. Unless your gynecologist or husband has told you there is a problem, you are almost certainly within the normal range of  tightness.  When men talk about a woman being  tight  what they are usually experiencing is a woman who was not terribly aroused. With arousal, the vagina balloons and lubricates, easing penetration. The vagina is a virtual space that is designed to expand and contract around objects of multiple sizes.

Vaginal tightening creams contain one of three things:

  1. Nothing. Basically the ingredients are a mixture of herbs, scents, and some sort of gel. They don’t do anything.
  2. Benzocaine. This serves to numb the woman. With decreased sensation, she is less likely to lubricate and her vagina will feel subjectively tighter. You can probably guess how I feel about this option.
  3. Alum. These most often come in douche form and contain a chemical that tightens and contracts the walls of the vagina. Although FDA approved for this purpose, I don’t recommend this approach. It can be irritating, cause yeast infections, and is usually unnecessary If you really want to try it, at least make sure you are buying a formula specifically designed for this purpose. I don’t recommend it except in the most extreme of cases.

What I would recommend is performing Kegel exercises. Whether or not you are experiencing loss of elasticity, these exercises can be a great way to get in touch with your body, strengthen some very important muscles, and maybe even make you more orgasmic. Now, isn’t that better than a bottle of cream?

Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos signature

MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.

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If you’re interested in performing Kegels with a little extra help check out our Kegel Exercisors.

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Question

How much masturbation is too much?

Answer

Pretty much every sex education textbook in the 1970s and 80s said that masturbation was fine as long as you didn’t do it “too much.” I am sure this led to millions of people desperately trying to figure out how much was “too much,” never getting an answer.

The reality is that there is no number I can give you. For some, once a day might be “too much,” while for others, ten times a day is fine. Whether you are with a partner or not has no bearing. What it all comes down to is context.

It is not about masturbation per se, it is about why you are doing it. If you are doing it as a way to give yourself pleasure, release stress, celebrate, or any number of healthy reasons, you can masturbate until the cows come home.

I do not subscribe to the notion of sexual addiction, but I do believe in compulsive sexual behavior. What you need to ask yourself is are you enjoying it when you masturbate, or are you doing it to avoid something. If you are able to eat, sleep, work, go out with friends, etc., then masturbate all you want. No need to worry or feel guilty. Enjoy!

Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos signature

Dr. Sandor Gardos

MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.

Have a question you’d like answered? Email AsktheDoctor@mypleasure.com

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Question

What is the best sexual position for me while I have a broken leg and am in a full leg cast? I’m 23 years-old and don’t want to hold off on sex, I am talking about intercourse specifically, until the cast is removed. My boyfriend and I anxiously await your response.

Answer

I’m sure that this is a question that surfaces all of the time but is rarely asked. Luckily, there are a couple of options available that may make your life easier.

First, think about what body positions are most comfortable for you right now in a general sense. When you are relaxing, resting, standing, sitting, etc., what types of positions are the best? That’s a good way to start thinking about possible sexual positions. Here are some other thoughts:

Have your partner sit on a chair with ample space around. Sit down facing him straddling your legs around him. This way you are able to have your weight on his body and give the leg that is in the cast room to be where it needs to be. You will also have face-to-face intimacy.

Try standing up and resting your body weight on a sink, dresser or table. In this position, the objects support your weight and your partner can face you. He may want to lift the leg without the cast for better entry during intercourse.

Another position involves you laying down on a couch or bed turned on the side of your cast. Have your partner turn towards you also lying on his side. Either of you can then lift the leg that is not in a cast, as your partner moves towards you and attempts intercourse.

The real trick is being creative! Let you mind roam and explore all the possibilities available.

Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos signature

Dr. Sandor Gardos

MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.

Have a question you’d like answered? Email AsktheDoctor@mypleasure.com

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Question

Is it okay to have sex during the third trimester of pregnancy? God knows, I want to!!!

Answer

Pregnancy and the changes in hormone levels definitely affect a woman’s sexual feelings, libido and activities. Although some women have a decrease in sexual desire, others, such as yourself, find that they have the same, or an even greater, level of desire. Studies have shown that the rates of activities such as oral sex and masturbation don’t generally decline until the last month of pregnancy.

As the pregnancy advances, many women find that avoiding pressure on the abdomen and using shallower penetration during intercourse make sex more enjoyable. Even if intercourse is not possible or comfortable, however, other activities such as cunnilingus or masturbation (alone or with a partner) can still be intensely pleasurable. There are no hard and fast rules about sex during pregnancy. Although some positions may be uncomfortable or difficult, this is a great time to share and experiment with new ways of sexual (and nonsexual) expression.

All that said, you should observe the following:

  • Avoid extreme pressure on the abdomen, especially during the final months of pregnancy.
  • If you have had a prior miscarriage, you should consult with your doctor about not only intercourse, but the possible risks of any activity that might lead to orgasm.
  • If intercourse causes pain that is not helped by changing position, you should avoid it.
  • If there is any bleeding from the vagina, or your cervix has started to dilate, you should refrain from intercourse and see your physician or midwife immediately.

Finally, you should know that orgasm often causes uterine contractions (whether you are pregnant or not). Some medical professionals believe that late in pregnancy these uterine contractions can cause your water to break and thus hasten labor. This is not usually a problem, but you might want to discuss it with your health care professional.

Almost all authorities agree that given a normal, healthy pregnancy, intercourse can be continued until well into the third trimester. (See the article by Dr. Linda Mona on sex, vibrators and pregnancy for more information on this subject.) Individuals with any special health concerns or issues should talk with their doctor to receive clear information about any sexual activity restrictions during your pregnancy. If you are in fact put on restriction, use that time to share and perhaps experience entirely new ways to connect with your partner and yourself!

Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos signature

Dr. Sandor Gardos

MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.

Have a question you’d like answered? Email AsktheDoctor@mypleasure.com

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Question

Recently, my boyfriend was on an extended business trip during which he called me often. During one of these calls, he mentioned how horny he was and that he wanted to have phone sex with me. He started talking “dirty, which was great except that I had no idea how to respond. I wasn’t sure what to say, what words to use, or how to say it. Could you give me some tips so that next time I will be better prepared. It was a lot of fun for both of us, but I want to do more on my end.

Answer

Phone sex can be a wonderful way for a couple who can’t be together to share intimate time. It is great that your boyfriend felt comfortable enough with you to try this. Since it sounds like you both enjoyed it, here are a few suggestions for next time.

1) Remember that there is no right or wrong way to “talk dirty.” That it appeals to you and your partner is all that matters.

2) Reminisce about a previous sexual experience the two of you had that you found particularly memorable.

3) Tell him what you would be doing to him right now if he was there with you and ask him what he would do to you if he he was there with you.

4) Share fantasies.

5) Pretend that he is there, and tell him what you are doing to his body and what he is doing to yours.

6) Describe what you are doing to yourself and how it feels.

7) Tell him what exactly you enjoy about having sex with him.

8) Masturbate together and just listen to the sounds of each other’s breath.

If you are looking for more suggestions and ways to get started, you might want to pick up a copy of Exhibitionism for the Shy by Carol Queen. Much luck to you. And, remember, this is supposed to be fun, so don’t make it a pressure-filled situation.
Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos signature

Dr. Sandor Gardos

MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.

Have a question you’d like answered? Email AsktheDoctor@mypleasure.com

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No matter how long you’ve been out of school you spent enough Septembers in your formative years preparing to go back that when that month rolls around it’s easy to get into the learning spirit. When you’re all grown up, though, one thing you don’t know as much about as you’d like is yourself: what gives you pleasure, what you like, what you don’t and how to find it, independently or with your partner. 

The adult toy industry is wonderfully and dizzyingly varied. Compared with the limited choices we once had (‘this one vibrates; this one doesn’t’), there’s enough stuff out there that could make even a seasoned buyer swoon. Choice is a great thing, of course, but you want to make sure you’re getting what you want – what you really, really want. So in the back-to-school spirit here are a few tips to help you decide what that is.

  • Body focus: Everyone’s pleasure zones are different. Before you decide on a toy because ‘it has so many buttons it must be good,’ or ‘it’s a bestseller so I’m sure I’ll like it,’ think about what you want. The humblest little bullet can be your ticket to heaven so consider what’s really your pleasure– size? external stimulation? breast play? – before you plunk down your hard-earned cash.
  • Feel it: Even if you prefer to buy online, sometimes it’s good to go into an adult store just to check out the materials and vibrating power of some of the toys. If you’re an inexperienced buyer how will you really know if you like the texture of a product – jelly? Realistic rubber? hard plastic? – unless you’ve felt it? There’s no harm in asking questions, either: even if you’re not buying, the staff is there to help and if it’s a good store they know as much about these products as the manufacturers do.
  • Use us: We want to be used! Seriously, how much easier would shopping be if you could always have an expert with you to listen to your desires and tailor a selection for you? Fancy stores have personal shoppers and now we, do, too…and a doctor, no less! Dr. Sandor Gardos, sex therapist and founder of MyPleasure, can be your guide through our Shopping with Sandor page. Answer a few quick, multiple-choice questions about your preferences and you’ll get a selection of products customized to your needs, getting rid of that overwhelmed “There’s too much to look at!” feeling. All the toys have all been approved by Dr. Gardos, so you can be assured of quality. It’s a fun feature, too – even if you haven’t thought about buying, say, a product for anal stimulation, this pares down the selection to what would be right for you so that when you’re ready for a new sensation you’ll have an idea of what’s available.

 Welcome back to the school year! Isn’t adult education just the best?

Image courtesty of The US National Archives

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Question

My partner and I were thinking about experimentation with vibrators, but I’ve heard that they can cause loss of sensation in the female genital area with prolonged use. Is this true or are there other dangers?

Answer

Vibrators are not only not dangerous to use, they are actually the treatment of choice for women who are having difficulty reaching orgasm. They are recommended by almost every sex therapist exactly for this use. Indeed, most women not only do not find that there is a loss of sensation, but exactly the opposite: As they begin to experiment with new ways of pleasuring themselves, they learn more about their bodies and the kinds of sensations they like. This leads to more sensitivity and ease of reaching orgasm even without a vibrator.

Although it is always possible for someone to become overly dependent on any one way of masturbating or having sex, I think that normal use would not lead to such a situation.

As I have stated before, research (Davis et al., 1996) has definitively shown that the use of sex aids is not only not detrimental to an individual’s sexual functioning or satisfaction, but that, actually, those individuals who use such devices alone also have more frequent and satisfying sex with a partner.

So my suggestion is that you and your partner browse through a good vibrator catalog (like our own vibrator section) that lists both the pluses and minuses of different vibrators, and explore together without worry that using one will have harmful effects.

Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos

MyPleasure provides up-to-date and useful sexual education materials in combination with a store that allows people to buy, try, and learn about new aspects of sexuality. We believe everybody deserves a great sex life.

Have a question you’d like answered? Email AsktheDoctor@mypleasure.com

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By Liz Langley

If only there were dressing rooms for everything in life.

Not all purchases afford a try-on or test drive, however and sex toys are among those things you can’t try out exactly the way you’ll use them at home, not even at stores that will let you try them on your hand.
People who are new or nearly-new to sex toy purchasing might just see the ubiquitous “rabbit” and buy it because it’s a meme, not realizing that what works for one person might not work for another. Even with sales associates we might not always ask the right questions and there’s little more galling in this economic climate than spending money on something you end up not liking.

To make sure your money is well spent and your sexual pleasure well-considered, MyPleasure is introducing a great new feature, “Find Your Perfect Sex Toy” giving you the expertise of Dr. Sandor Gardos, sex therapist, psychologist, and founder of MyPleasure.com. By asking exactly what you’re looking for it directs you just to the options you’ll be interested in and might ask you questions you haven’t even considered before, with gratifying results.

“Even a great recommendation from someone else isn’t always going to do it because everyone has different tastes,” says erotic romance author Lara Dien. “I tend to be picky about intensity so there’ve been a couple of buys that were rather umm…underwhelming?.”

“Jane” tells a funny-but-frustrating story about being sold a “big, off-white, rotating dildo, filled with these little pearls inside and plastic ticklers… the sales guy had convinced me that his lady loved hers, so every time I thought about using it I’d think of him and her and that didn’t work for me.” She ended up not liking anything about it (Jane…d’oh!)

Expensive mistakes like that one can be avoided Dr. Gardos’ private online experience which provides a range of very good questions, a solid list of product options all of which are personally screened by Dr. Gardos, no direct sales pressure and up-front prices. Since the questionnaire is tailored to first see if you’re male, female, gay, straight, bi, coupled, single…and then gets to specific concerns…everyone is likely to come up with something different – hardly surprising with a range of 500 toys to choose from.

For example, even in all my experience of writing about adult products I never considered buying a nipple stimulation toy until taking the questionnaire and getting to an inquiry about the types of stimulation on which that particular bit of human geography was listed, leading to some potential fun experimentation.

Of course there are some toys you just have to try out for yourself, but “Find Your Perfect Sex Toy” will inspire confidence in those purchases with thoughtful, direct questions that allow you to browse more effectively. Think of it as a private sexual cruise director, someone who will get to know you and help you get you where you want to go (which, we’re guessing, is over the moon).

About Liz Langley
Liz Langley is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in about 20 publications – to see more go to www.lizlangley.com

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Question:

I’ve heard something about using or eating an Altoid before oral sex. What is that all about? If you know please tell me! Thank you for your time.

Answer:

There are many urban myths related to sex, but this is one of the few that happens to be somewhat true. Altoids really do create an interesting sensation during oral sex. Though these mints have been around forever, stories are now being widely circulated about their supposedly miraculous powers to enhance oral sex. I have even read reports that entire towns have been sold out following a story on the radio.

What you need to understand is that certain substances (such as BenGay) penetrate the skin to create sensations of warmth or cold. Mucous membranes, such as the genitals, allow these substances to penetrate more strongly. Thus, these items create a tingle and a sensation of hot or cold depending on… uh… what the giver is doing or how he or she is breathing. Because Altoids are stronger than most mints (and made with real peppermint oil), they have a more pronounced effect. MyPleasure also carries other edible sex toys, such as Strawberry Nipple Nibblers, and Lover’s Arousal Gel that work similarly.

The trick is to put a couple in your mouth and suck on them until they are almost dissolved, then go down on your partner. If you do a warm exhale it will create one type of sensation, while a cool blow or inhale will create another. Luckily, it works just as well on both men and women. Give it a try with your partner and see what they think. Happy experimenting!

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