Archive for the ‘Sex Tips’ Category

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Anyone who has attempted sex in the shower knows that it is one of the most fun ways to get clean while also getting dirty. There’s the slippery soapy bodies, the hot water beating down on you, and everyone looks a little sexier when they’re wet. But there are also drawbacks to shower sex. It can be difficult to find positions that work for both of you, once you do find a position it can be difficult holding it, and then there’s the problem with lubrication. Our bodies’ natural lubrication washes away in water which can leave your wet sex surprisingly dry and uncomfortable.

We’ve found a way around these difficulties that makes shower sex all that it can be. With the Dual Locking Suction Handle you’ll have something to hold onto that works much better than trying to grasp at that slippery tile. With the Single Locking Suction Foot Rest you can get that leg up that you need to get into just the right position. And if you’re feeling a bit rambunctious, try out our Suction Handcuffs for waterproof restraint.

And don’t forget the lube. Water-based lubes will wash away just like your natural lubrication, but silicone-based lubes will keep you going through out your long sexy shower session.  We recommend Wet Platinum or Pjur Eros Bodyglide. Just be careful because if you spill these in the shower it could get really really slippery, and not in a fun way.

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Light some candles, play soft music, draw a bubble bath…how often have you heard that advice for setting a stimulating mood for your moments of self-pleasure? It’s not bad advice. It’s just that if you wanted it to be that much work you might as well just involve another person.

There’s nothing wrong with atmosphere but sometimes you feel that if you don’t do something about your horniness tout suite your vagina might invert and swallow you whole like the house in Poltergeist. At times like this it’s good to consider the solo quickie.

Simply put, the solo quickie is fast-action self-pleasure, the masturbatory equivalent of grabbing an apple when you don’t have time to eat more substantively but are going to faint if you don’t do something about your physical needs. Because female masturbation was taboo for so long, the idea creating atmosphere romanticized the process and helped women get comfortable with the concept. Also, it’s commonly thought that it takes women longer to get aroused than men.

Well into the 21st century, though, we’re clearly comfortable with the concept (coyness evaporated once vibrators appeared on Oprah ), plus a Canadian study in 2006 asserts that the sexes are not that statistically different in reaching arousal time-wise: both get there in about 10 minutes. And what if you don’t need to get into the mood – what if the mood gets into you and it absolutely will not go away?

 And you only have 20 minutes before your friend is going to pick you up to go to the movies?

Go for it. Ten minutes in the privacy of your bedroom, bathroom, guest room or wherever you are can make a huge difference in your mood for the rest of the day. There are smaller-sized vibrators that can certainly help take you there when you need to be discreet. Plus, if you’re already amped up, whether it’s from hormones, nasty thoughts or seeing some hottie or movie sex scene that turned you on, you’ve got a head start. There’s something energizing, too, about knowing you only have so much time, probably similar to the public-sex thrill of getting caught: if your time is limited you may well cross the finish line like someone was chasing you. If you get going and don’t finish, no biggie – you’ll just have a little rosy glow and a bit of  buzz from having at least gotten started.

I’m not going to tell you when or where, but I’ve left people talking in a room for 15 minutes and come back much more relaxed than when I left. It’s easily done. If they question your absence “I wasn’t feeling good,” is all they need to know and it will not be a lie. You weren’t. Now you are.

So don’t be afraid of the solo quickie. After all, if men lit candles every time they masturbated Glade would go out of business from the wax shortage. Atmosphere is lovely… but sometimes it’s all in your mind.

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Don’t Be So Serious

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A quick tip: When was the last time you laughed during sex? Not AT your partner, of course, just in full-on sensual joy? Due to lack of time and stress and just life, it’s easy to forget that sex is FUN! Everything about it is rife with hilarity, including those inevitably embarrassing moments, so instead of pretending they don’t happen, revel in the ridiculousness of them. Not only will it relax you both, it will show your partner you have the confidence to laugh at yourself–and what’s sexier than that?

More quick sex tips.

Fun and humorous sex toys.

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Like many people, I have been suffering from the Winter Blues. The Midwest has been EXTREMLY cold this year and finding the motivation to get out of my flannel pajamas, layers of clothes and long underwear and into the mood to get naked has been a challenge. The other day I started thinking about how many babies are conceived during the winter months and I realized some people must be finding a better way to stay warm than cranking up the furnace to 80 degrees and plugging in the electric blanket.

Sex is a great way to keep warm during these cold winter months and being creative in finding ways to burn up the sheets will only add to the heat. Sharing body heat is a great way to conserve energy and your fuel bill will not be sky high! Nothing beats staying in and having hot sex on a cold night, especially compared to driving in the snow, scraping the windshield, and shoveling the drive.

If you want to put some extra heat between your sheets while waiting for the sunny days of spring here are a few tips and tricks to help your sex life be a breeze rather than freeze.

  • Go from water to land. Take a hot shower or bath together to warm up. Lathering each other up and rinsing each other off will do more than steam up your bathroom mirrors. Then towel each other off and hit the bed.
  • Next time you hit the sheets with your partner, get in bed completely dressed. I know that is the opposite of what people usually do but shedding the extra layers while you are making out under the sheets will turn up your body heat and your sexual heat. You won’t be able to wait to get to the bottom of each other’s layers and feel that skin on skin.
  • Use those sex toys! I have a friend who told me every time she uses her Hitachi Magic Wand, she can feel her body getting hotter until her whole body is perspiring. She actually has to toss the covers off! Getting the extra stimulation sex toys can give will keep even the coldest couple basking in the warmth.
  • If you have a fireplace, use it! You don’t need to do the stereotypical bearskin rug thing to make hot love in front of the flames. Try pulling an armless chair in front of the fireplace and straddling your partner while you feel and make the heat.

Spring is on the way but you don’t have to wait for sunny skies to have great sex. You can beat the winter doldrums and lack of sunshine by making your own sunshine and melting that ice that may be giving your sex life it’s own seasonal affective disorder.

Image by digitalshay.

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My boyfriend is uncircumcised — are there any special techniques or considerations I should keep in mind when we’re having sex?


As fewer and fewer parents choose to have their sons circumcised, this is going to be a more common concern. Luckily, there is really not much difference between having sex with an uncircumcised or a circumcised man. When an uncircumcised man becomes erect, the foreskin generally pulls back and his penis looks and functions no differently.

Probably the only vital distinction is that it is important to pull the foreskin back when putting on a condom. Otherwise the condom could wind up on the inside of the foreskin, which would reduce sensitivity and effectiveness and also be rather uncomfortable.

The other situation in which it is good to be aware of the difference is during oral sex (fellatio) and manual stimulation (“hand jobs”). Some uncircumcised men prefer that the foreskin slide over the head of the penis during various forms of sexual stimulation. Other men prefer that their partner pull back the foreskin while stimulating them. It may also vary by type of sensation, so that the same man who likes his foreskin pulled back during oral sex may not want that with manual stimulation. As with most sexual situations, the best idea is to ask your boyfriend what he likes.

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A recent story in in Men’s Health magazine, What Every Woman Wants surveyed 1400 women and compared their sexual desires according to their ages – who wanted what in their 20’s, 30’s and 40’s. Having been all these ages (well, only part way through the 40’s) I thought it neatly outlined the qualities of each – the friends-and-fun 20’s, the rich, diversified 30’s and the relaxed confidence of the 40’s, all things to either look forward to or happily reflect on, depending on where you are.

One commonality between all three generations, however, was underscored by author Carolyn Kystra the end of the story:

“Women of all ages in our survey said they want more oral sex performed on them,” she writes. Some of their tips” Use your fingers as well as your tongue,” advises Rose, 41. Laina, 40, wants a delicate touch, “Nibble my thighs and be gentle on the clitoris.” Larisa, 41, adds “Clearly enjoy what you’re doing. Being hesitant is a turnoff; a rejection of the most intimate part of me.”

I heartily agree with Larisa, especially: it’s a huge turn on to have a partner say “I want to know exactly what you want,” and then do it, with feeling. Since the statement was one of desire for “more” not “better,” though, the problem, doesn’t seem to be one of technique so much as one of participation: The chef might make a helluva cherries jubilee but if you can’t get him in the kitchen, what difference does it make?

I’m concerned this might sound a little flip or cynical but I’m convinced that the key to getting more of what you’d like in this arena from your partner is to try one of three things: Ask “Will you go down on me?” Say, “I love it when you down on me,” or dispense with the frills and take the direct line: “Go down on me.” You can whisper it, shout it, send it in a text or write it on a cake but the best approach to getting what you desire is asking for it.

I can confidently say that I’ve never known anyone who prefers sex with women to refuse this request: it’s a tricky area for many people and they’re usually thrilled to find out they’re doing something right enough that you want more of it. And once you’ve asked you’ve opened the door to asking for specifics, like the ones Rose, Laina and Larisa gave.

On the other hand, if they’re happy to hear you want more lip service their enthusiasm alone might find them freestyling their way into doing things you didn’t even know you liked yet (not following directions is, after all, how you find new recipes). It could be a good time to let them run with your request and see what they come up with.

Would I could say there was some cute trick or clever list of tips to follow, but the only magic you need is communication. The best way to get your needs met is, quite seriously, by stating them.

*Want to learn how to better please the woman in your life? Try How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure by Lou Paget*

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It was one of those mornings.

You’ve had them. The ones on which your neighbors give you that mischevous smile – or avoid eye contact – because they heard you having mind-blowing sex the night before and think you’ll be getting Grammy for best vocals this year.

Most people, self included have some self-awareness about what they say or how loud they are in bed (remember the Seinfeld episode where Jerry couldn’t keep up with the dirty talker?). I sometimes consider it – but not for long. I can’t help that my sweetie and I have better chemistry than cake and ice cream and besides, if you can’t be uninhibited during sex, when, exactly is a good time? And how are you really supposed to adopt a lady like tone when your tush is higher than your head?

There may be no book of etiquette about how loud is too loud, but Dr. Roy J. Levin has a bead, at least, on why we vocalize during sex. The four reasons he says we raise the roof are (from the UK Guardian):

* Conveying  information – “Harder,” “Right there,” “Ow.” Self explanatory.

* Increasing arousal – Men find sound the third most arousing sense (for women it’s next to last), hence ‘increasing arousal’.

* Enhancing pleasure” or “Hedonic amplification” which may be caused not by the noise but the rapid breathing during vocalizations, which could make you light-headed.

As far as “enhancing pleasure” I once took a workshop with author/sex educator Sheri Winston in which she emphasized breathing and vocalizing.

“As you’re climaxing, keep your sounds going and your orgasm will keep on going, too!” Sheri says on her website and I’ll vouch for her being 100% right. I tried her techniques during solo sex (during which I’m much more quiet) and was thrilled with how much vocalizing magnified the orgasmic experience: it was the difference between a cupcake and a whole cake.

* Finally, fascilitating central arousal systems is Levins’ last reason and it’s a mouthful for synchronicity: your vocalizations signal other systems in your body to work together for an optimal experience.

All this said you don’t want to end up like Caroline Cartwright in the UK who was arrested for being too loud during sex, so much so that her neighbors called the cops. Personally I think that being 48, married to the same man for 24 years and still having sex worth screaming about should qualify Catherine for a book deal, not an arrest. How jealous were those neighbors, anyway?

It can be fun to try to be hush-hush, sometimes, too. If you’re a houseguest, or if you’re grabbing a quickie and don’t want others to hear, the danger of getting caught could make silence exciting.

Otherwise, be proud to be loud. Is it so bad that people know you’re having fun? And who knows? One of those mornings instead of snickering, your neighbor might ask you for a few tips.

Image by Kelly Hau Photography

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