The Solo Quickie

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Light some candles, play soft music, draw a bubble bath…how often have you heard that advice for setting a stimulating mood for your moments of self-pleasure? It’s not bad advice. It’s just that if you wanted it to be that much work you might as well just involve another person.

There’s nothing wrong with atmosphere but sometimes you feel that if you don’t do something about your horniness tout suite your vagina might invert and swallow you whole like the house in Poltergeist. At times like this it’s good to consider the solo quickie.

Simply put, the solo quickie is fast-action self-pleasure, the masturbatory equivalent of grabbing an apple when you don’t have time to eat more substantively but are going to faint if you don’t do something about your physical needs. Because female masturbation was taboo for so long, the idea creating atmosphere romanticized the process and helped women get comfortable with the concept. Also, it’s commonly thought that it takes women longer to get aroused than men.

Well into the 21st century, though, we’re clearly comfortable with the concept (coyness evaporated once vibrators appeared on Oprah ), plus a Canadian study in 2006 asserts that the sexes are not that statistically different in reaching arousal time-wise: both get there in about 10 minutes. And what if you don’t need to get into the mood – what if the mood gets into you and it absolutely will not go away?

 And you only have 20 minutes before your friend is going to pick you up to go to the movies?

Go for it. Ten minutes in the privacy of your bedroom, bathroom, guest room or wherever you are can make a huge difference in your mood for the rest of the day. There are smaller-sized vibrators that can certainly help take you there when you need to be discreet. Plus, if you’re already amped up, whether it’s from hormones, nasty thoughts or seeing some hottie or movie sex scene that turned you on, you’ve got a head start. There’s something energizing, too, about knowing you only have so much time, probably similar to the public-sex thrill of getting caught: if your time is limited you may well cross the finish line like someone was chasing you. If you get going and don’t finish, no biggie – you’ll just have a little rosy glow and a bit of  buzz from having at least gotten started.

I’m not going to tell you when or where, but I’ve left people talking in a room for 15 minutes and come back much more relaxed than when I left. It’s easily done. If they question your absence “I wasn’t feeling good,” is all they need to know and it will not be a lie. You weren’t. Now you are.

So don’t be afraid of the solo quickie. After all, if men lit candles every time they masturbated Glade would go out of business from the wax shortage. Atmosphere is lovely… but sometimes it’s all in your mind.


  1. This is great advice. There are times when a quick orgasm is the only way to let off enough sexual pressure that I can think straight. I don’t see why it should be any different for women. :)

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