Sex With My Boyfriend is Bad. How Can I Make it Better?

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Question

I love my boyfriend very much but he is just not very good in bed. Although he tries, he is frequently “barking up the wrong tree” with where he touches me — if you know what I mean. I don’t really want to hurt his feelings by telling him he is doing things wrong, but I also want to be satisfied. Any suggestions?

Answer

While I am all for open, detailed conversations, I agree that yelling out “stop that” or “not there” in bed is probably not the ideal approach. Generally, it’s best to focus on the positive when communicating with a partner about sexual matters. For example, instead of saying, “Don’t do that!” when he is missing the mark, try saying, “Oh yes! Just like THAT!” when he hits the spot. You can also lean over and whisper in his ear, “You know what would really turn me on?” then suggest what you’d like!

Another option is to masturbate in front of your partner. You can make it into a little erotic game, taking turns, or doing it at the same time. You might even learn something more about what he likes.

If you don’t think you can bring yourself to say anything or masturbate in front of him, the best approach is to take his hand gently and place it where you want it. Show him where you like to be touched, how hard, how fast, etc. While I appreciate that you don’t want to hurt his feelings, most men report that they like it when women give them more clear feedback about what they like. However you approach it, you will certainly be doing both of you a service!

Best,
Dr. Sandor Gardos signature

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